Tired of giving useless gifts

I've had enough of the cargo cult. We have too much stuff in our lives.



The stuff you own ends up owning you.

I've started giving gifts from The Worlds most Useful Gift Catalogue

They're apparently Christians but the website assures me they don't proselytize.

Last year I got me ma a goat:

Where it all happens...

Doesn't look like much
but I've got a great view of the 85 Building

Economic Crisis Solution

Or How China became capitalist and America, communist...

Here's a crazy idea on how to solve the apparent economic crisis on Wall Street:

Instead of the US government diverting taxpayer's hard-earned dollars away from killing people overseas; they should look up all the C.E.O.'s who've received bonuses over $1,000,000 over the past two or three years, take their cash and pump it into the system. I'm sure they could easily make a start on $700 billion.

Here's where they could start:

NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- Goldman Sachs Chairman and CEO Lloyd Blankfein will take home nearly $68 million in restricted stock, options and cash, making it the largest bonus ever given to a Wall Street CEO.

Blankfein was awarded $26.8 million in cash and $41.1 million in restricted stock and stock options, according to a company filing with the Securities and Exchange Commission issued Friday.

Lehman Brothers chairman and CEO Richard Fuld Jr. made $34 million in 2007.

Goldman Sachs paid Co-Chief Operating Officers Gary Cohn and Jon Winkereid made $72.5 million and $71 million.

American International Group’s chief executive Martin Sullivan, who was ousted in June, made $14 million.

Morgan Stanley Chief Financial Officer Colin Kelleher got $21 million.

Merrill Lynch CEO John Thain was paid $17 million in salary, bonuses and stock options.

JP Morgan Chase & Co. chairman and CEO James Dimon earned $28 million in 2007. Chase bought Bear Stearns in a fire sale earlier this year with Washington promising to take on up to $30 billion in assets to get the deal done.

Fannie Mae CEO Daniel Mudd made $11.6 million in 2007.

Freddie Mac, CEO Richard Syron, brought in $18 million.

Wachovia Corp. chairman and CEO G. Kennedy Thompson received $21 million in 2007. He was succeeded by Robert Steel as CEO in July. Steel is slated to get a $1 million salary with an opportunity for a $12 million bonus, according to CEO Watch.

Seattle-based Washington Mutual will pay its new CEO Alan Fishman a salary and incentive package worth more than $20 million through 2009 for taking the helm of the battered bank, according to the Puget Sound Business Journal.

http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/fullcomment/archive/2008/09/25/193135.aspx

There you go: there's at least three or four hundred million. And really, who needs all that money?

Really?

Adam's Visit

Our good friend from Thailand Adam, who is now living in Japan, was scheduled to visit on Monday the 15th for a week. We were excited: the house was cleaned, friends informed, a room prepared. I cleared my schedule from other commitments and got ready for a mental vacation. It was to be our first visitor to Taiwan.

You can't imagine how gutted we were, when we got an email the morning he was due to arrive, saying that he had missed his flight.

Well, what can you do?

We decided to carry on with his planned itinerary without him, so what follows is a photo essay of his trip. Due to Adam's unfortunate absence, his part will be played by a stuffed toy bear* who kindly stepped in at short notice.

Beers at The Black Dog



Icy Filipino Beers for all



Adam gets help for his drinking problem



The next day: enjoying the view from our apartment and recovering



Easy rider



Visit to Monkey Mountain



Up close



Bus to Kenting



Fine local fare



Beers on the beach



A spot of snorkelling



Another big day comes to a close.

Well, that about wraps it up, for everything that's fit to print. You'll have to get in touch with us directly to hear about the other shenanigans....

*The Odyssey Incorporated is not affiliated with, maintained by, or in any way officially connected with the, Winnie the Pooh, Walt Disney Company or any of its affiliates. The Odyssey Incorporated does not work for the Disney Company and never has, but who knows....maybe someday..... when we are all made slaves to their evil dominion.
Walt Disney World, Disneyland, Tokyo Disneyland, Disneyland Paris, Winnie the Pooh and Buena Vista Pictures (events, names and attractions) are trademarks of The Walt Disney Company. Please note that all information contained in The Odyssey Incorporated is subject to change without notice. The authors and editor of this document/website shall not be held liable for any information (valid or invalid) presented here regarding Winnie the Pooh and do not represent the Walt Disney Company in any manner.
Any stated opinions are those of The Odyssey Incorporated alone and do not represent Disney, employers, clients, relatives, friends, pets, Winnie the Pooh or anyone else. Materials submitted and credited by persons other than The Odyssey Incorporated are here with their permission and any associated rights belong to them except for the image of Winnie the Pooh. The use of any original graphics, art, photos or other original content that was created for The Odyssey Incorporated is encouraged.
Any and all emails or written messages, suggestions, ideas, or other information that you share with The Odyssey Incorporated in response to this site shall be deemed and shall remain the property of The Creative Commons.
No bears or stuffed toys were injured in the making of this photo essay.

Prank #3

Facebook is a great way to keep in touch with people. At the same time, everyone knows that it’s all about collecting data, which they then use to target marketing at your “demographic” or sell to third parties.

Agreed it’s a free service, but then again, I don’t feel that my personal information should be for sale.

Therefore, I don’t give them any…

According to my profile I am:

Name:
Aluishus McKaul

Hometown:
Perth, Jamaica

Political Views:
Anarcho-cynicalist

Religious Views:
Jedi

Never give them something for nothing.

Relationships

Notes on The Philippines

Wow, I really need to say something about the Philippines. It was a great time but so long has passed since our holiday; I will have to try and construct something from my feeble notes:

Saturday June 28, 2008

Hang-over – pack – haircut – taxi – KMRT – storms – delayed flights – Manila – try to organise an earlier flight to Cebu – they want money – no way – overnight at the airport – Shakey’s Diner for pizza and beer – sleep in the airport

Sunday June 29

Check-in staff put us on an earlier flight for free – taxi to ferry – 8.00 am ferry to Tagbilaran – tricycle to Alona Beach – breakfast – touts – Oops Bar Cottages – game of pool on the beach – beers – beach

Notes on Tricycles:

I’ve ridden in some pretty unlikely vehicles in my time but this one has to be right up there. It’s a motorbike with a sort of covered side-car attached. You have to see it to appreciate it:

Monday June 30

Beach – rum - snorkelling

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Scuba – table football

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Beach – rum – great snorkelling, teeming with clown fish, hiding in their anemones, defending their turf

http://www.flickr.com/photos/crystal_images/444013599/?addedcomment=1#comment72157607249426309

Diary Extract:

Alona Beach, Bohol, Philippines

Trudy’s Place – sitting on the beach with the water lapping at my feet: endless marine and turquoise sea stretched out under a gray blanket of cloudy sky with flecks of blue peeking through.

Slightly hung-over

Last night we were in “Oops Bar” and met a German with bad English visiting the Philippines for the first time to meet his soon-to-be wife’s family.

“Philippine is paradise” were his last words to us.

Half an hour before he was chasing the girls around the bar as R refused to dance with him again.

It had been a busy day, our third on this tourist beach. We got up at nine to go diving at ten. American breakfast at the cheap ghetto restaurant with no toilet – at 85 pesos it was the cheapest we found. We checked our dive gear – the crappiest equipment I’ve ever seen and the cheapest diving on the beach.

We still had 15 minutes until we were due to head off, so I dashed back to the room for a shit. The facilities at the dive centre left a lot to be desired. I made it back with five minutes to spare but they were all on the boat. Apparently they boarded just after I left. There’s got to be one, I just don’t like being it.

It is a half hour ride out to Balicasag Island. Luckily the boat had shade, but little else. Just enough room for the crew of three plus two dive masters, four divers and two snorkelers.

The boats here, I’m looking at one now, have a single hull – maybe 10-12 meters with an in-board motor and two bamboo outrigger hulls on long bent struts. They have two masts with a tarp stretched between.

The diving was pretty awesome. Although my depth gauge didn’t work and my BCD air-out button was stuck for a while.

First dive – Diver’s Paradise, aptly named – beautiful coral, luminous fish and a turtle. It’s the first one I’ve seen while diving. When we came up, our crew had been replaced by island-folk selling souvenirs.

My first dive is always a bit panicky, trying to get neutral buoyancy and dealing the weird sensation of breathing under water.

By the second dive, I’m into it. Not doing anything, just drifting along with the current and watch it all float past: clown fish, angel fish, another turtle, a little shark; awesome.

Notes on the Philippines

• 750 ml Bottle of Rum - 100 pesos
• 375 ml can of Coke - 50 pesos
• Largest number of foreigners in relationships with locals I’ve seen anywhere
• All classes at school are taught in English except for Filipino class
• Houses and boats all look Polynesian

Thursday July 3, 2008

Diary Extract:

Woke late and breakfasted large before deciding to get out and see the rest of the island:

Car?

Bike?

Bad weather - car’s expensive – rent a bike

Yellow four-speed click-shift with no wing mirrors and a floaty front-end

Helmet?

Sort of

Better than nothing but pretty close to nothing

*** the water is lapping at the tables outside the restaurant where I’m sitting***

So we headed off to Tagbilaran very slowly, 30 km/hr

We headed through the crazy traffic. I pulled over for a Coke and directions:

Corella?

Straight on

Thanks.

Corella has a Tarsier Sanctuary.

Tarsiers are the smallest primates with the biggest eye of any animal.

http://www.bohol.ph/

A few kilometres down the road, a fork. Neither sign said Corella. We ask:

That way?

Sweet

A few kms after that we lost the paving and were making 10-20 km/hr over rocks and gravel

The air was sweet and people friendly. Lush jungle on all sides- we stopped by a river for pictures – no rush

We continued and made it to a paved cross road, which led to Corella. We wandered around the quiet town till an old man gave us directions. It was about 2 kms up the road. We headed off and finally came to the giant sign advertising the sanctuary.

There was a boom gate across the road saying:

WE’RE CLOSED 9.00-4.00

It was 3.55 by my watch.

FUCK!

Well I’m going to have a look. R stayed with the bike. It was about a kilometre down a dirt road. At the end was a visitor’s centre, which let to a caged section of bush. No one was around.

We headed back to Corella and asked for directions to Tagbilaran:

This road goes all the way there

It might have been paved once, but not anymore. We averaged 15-20 km/hr. The road was lined with grinning school kids:

Hey man, Hey Joe

The old man was right; we reached the main road in under an hour. We headed into town and had a walk around.

Busy

Poor children begging

We stopped for a beer in a restaurant and had something to eat.

We headed back. Once on Panglao Island we turned the wrong way, despite the directions we were given and it took at least twice as long to get back.

Friday July 4

Beach – rum – Cebu – live band

The sun is out; the tide is high for our last day on Alona Beach.

More Notes on the Philippines

• Language sounds like Spanish
• Security guards everywhere with handguns
• Bank guards with pump action shotguns
• Never once saw a police officer
• The Mexicans of Asia

Saturday July 5

Back to K-town

Cebu Domestic Airport 1030

Spent yesterday afternoon on the beach drinking rum then got a tricycle to the port:

ferry to Cebu - taxi to hotel - all full - forth time lucky – shower – walk – beggars - knock off DVDs - live music bar “Brews Point” - great bands - great food – cheap – hotel – TV – sleep

Summer Xpat

Download the full issue at:

http://www.xpatmag.com/

or

http://matt-gibson.org/

Vending Machine Rats

Do you ever feel like a rat in a science lab
when you use a vending machine?

I do.

Push the lever and get your sugar pill.

Xpat: Letter from the Editor, Spring '08

Design by Matt Gibson
http://matt-gibson.org/

Greetings Xpats,

Welcome to a new year and a new editor here at Xpat Magazine. After three years of sterling work, Matt has passed the torch to me and I intend to keep it burning brightly. I’m up for the task with many years of writing experience and a deep love of xpat life.

As an xpat my first gig teaching English was in Surratthani, Thailand. If you’ve ever been to Kho Pang Nang or Kho Tao, Surratthani was the shit-box town where you caught the ferry. It was one of the best years of my life; great people, fine food and islands on my doorstep. I finished work every Friday afternoon in time to sip cocktails on the porch of my bungalow and watch the sun set. It was the life.

I’d still be there today if things had worked out differently.

One of the many struggles of living in a rural Thai town was finding things to read. You could buy books on the islands but they were pricey. Newspapers arrived in the late afternoon at two stores in town, and would be read for days from the headlines to sports section. Magazines were a special treat. They would come from home in care packages and would be passed around until the covers fell off. They were mostly women’s magazines and pretty light on intellectual stimulation. You should be glad you have Xpat.

Then I met a girl. We were together for three glorious months. Unfortunately, she’d already bought a ticket to Istanbul to follow her dream of living in the only city in the world that spans two continents. My brother once told me, “never chase women or buses – another one will come along in ten minutes.” Well, I’ve never been big on following advice, so when my contract finished I took all my money and bought a ticket to Istanbul. I flew out of a tropical paradise and landed in a city of 20 million people with lightly falling snow.

We had an awesome year drinking tea, smoking nargile and playing tavla by the Bospherous in a city that had been the capital of five empires. The search for literature was easier there. Istanbul has been a home to xpats for over two thousand years.

I’d always dreamed of riding the Trans-Siberian Railway to Moscow. So when our contracts in Istanbul ended we looked to Asia to fund the voyage. But where to go? Japan? Too cold and expensive. Korea? Cold and kimchi diet. Taiwan? Hmmm Taiwan. Taipei? No, too big. Kaohsiung? Hmmm…. Kaohsiung.

Since then, Kaohsiung has been our home. In Taiwan our quest for reading material has continued. We’re lucky here to have decent—albeit expensive, book stores. We’re even luckier to have Xpat Magazine. So, it’s with great reverence and respect that I take over as managing editor of this periodical and vow to bring to you more of the well-written stories, half-baked opinions and a deeper understanding of Taiwanese culture; a culture which, at first, is strange and alien.


In my years living as an xpat I’ve realised: the longer you stay in an alien environment the more you realise that those things which separate us as humans are much less important than those that bind us together. We all have the same origin and ultimately, the same destiny.

So enjoy the Spring ‘08 edition and feel free to get in touch with any questions, comments or submissions – remember that this flaming torch of a magazine is for us, and by us. Keep reading, keep supporting our sponsors and keep spreading cultural understanding wherever you go.

Peace out,

Al

Laugh, I nearly shat!

East V. West

I did a "cultural awareness" workshop for work and came across this simple illustration of the key differences between east and west. It was produced by Chinese-born graphic designer / artist, who lives in Germany. I thought it was a very apt interpretation.

Bio:

Yang Liu was born in 1976 in Beijing, China. Since 1990 she has lived in Germany. She studied at UWE at Bristol, UK and gradueted with Master degree for Design in 2000 at the University of Arts Berlin, with Prof. Holger Matthies, since 1999 she has worked with Derek Birdsall in London, 2000 -2002 with Thomas Manss London and Berlin, 2003 - 2004 Chermayeff & Geismar New York, since 2004 she has established Yang Liu Design in Berlin

bath-time

meal-time

queuing

restaurant chatter

parties

weekend street scene


relationships

self

boss

opinion

on time

problems

beauty